Not a Natural Artist

Not a Natural Artist

Blurring layers of gray

From a picture I hold in my head

Made of volatile glass, constantly shifting

Twisting stars and loops and shining spiral flowers

To transfer from picture frame to the flowing surface of paper

And the stars lose their shine

The spirals twist out of shape and shatter

From an impeccable image to gray leftovers

That wasn’t what I imagined

Shattered glass sparkling in its own pattern

Weaving a path like a constellation

Shining with its own broken beauty

The beauty of having changed and stayed intact

Like clay that was bent in the opposite direction by the push of a finger

That couldn’t be fixed by pushes or pulls or twists

But maybe it’s fine

Because mistakes have their own beauty too

Of what can be made through what’s unintended

Sometimes that’s more honest — what’s done without thinking, eyes closed

No light, no color to twist our perception

Only the frames of our thoughts to turn out of our mind

And into the coldness of reality from a mere mirage

Sometimes, quilt of your mind reflected in a pond

Or a foundation broken beyond repair

A sharp fear that it has different hues than what you cherished

So the shapes dry up

The feeling wasn’t right

Transported back to the cage of the mind

Only a confused mass of knots that was lost in transition

No one place to untangle it, no place to grasp

So shake it and drop it

And in the remains, truth crystallizes like silver

Reflecting the complicated and honest mess that our minds are

And continue to be

The knots and fear make us who we are

And not someone else, even if it feels easier

The fear isn’t something to be afraid of

But a sign of our effort and care and the courage to give our

map to the world

No matter how it is received

With mistakes and contradictions that mark and deliver our existence

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