Not a Party Animal
Not A Party Animal
The sound of a doorbell echoes
as I stand outside
Scanning the shoes
in random rows
on a doormat
Laughter comes from the living room
Rapidlyclickingfootsteps approaching the door
A hand that pulls the door open
followed by an effusive hello
Hello
after hello
after hello
Countless “How are you?”s
And I start to feel lost
In the net of allthosewords
that crowd out every thought
A familiar call from the intricate banister
And I run up the stairs
As a sense of familiarity starts to sink in
Hide and seek commences
Randomly jabbing buttons on the controller
losing and laughing at the same time
Activities that are repeated
every time
Yet never manage to grow old
Containers fill the kitchen island for dinner
people carrying plates
changing from bare to a bleeding mix of rice, curries
Back downstairs
Feeling tangled in that net
Again
It’s hard to know
Why I can’t just
GET USED TO IT
No matter what I tell myself
I try
to stretch myself
But the rubber band just
manages to break
And I don’t know why
There’s a difference
between being alone and lonely
A mind filled with life isn’t lonely
Even by oneself
Sometimes it feels like
I’m fine that way
even if that’s not possible
I guess I’ll just need to decide
How much to stretch
And maybe that’s just fine